What do you do if your girlfriend starts
smoking?
...
Use a lubricant and slow down.
    --Renee Warner
    ** Added 20050716 **
%
Germans...They're like the Texans of Europe.
    --Pat Buckley
    ** Added 20050610 **
%
Dan Driscoll (in Layla's voice): I really do need 400 condoms 
                                 and a bag of flour...
Layla Forman: But I'm allergic to flour.
    ** Added 20050525 **
%
Wow it's a half an hour later than it was 15 minutes ago.
    --Anthony "Pi" Martinez
    ** Added 20050509 **
%
That's vodkanade!
    --Meghan Doyal
    ** Added 20050430 **
%
When I do death vocals it sounds like an angry kitten.
    --Meghan Doyal
    ** Added 20050430 **
%
Hiiya layka! We are at el camino anober hober drubnkenator!  
So I was going to talk to ypu but you arw probably doing fun 
bad stuff
heheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ghmmm yah,  did you get the invite whena rw you coming down we
shoukd do this do you need a ride from the airpot
RAWK
Dumb boys arw walking form foreve away!!!!
Ttyl
Ljarrod made a neatrthing with coffwee cuos
    --Meghan Doyal, in an email to Layla Forman, while very drunk.
    ** Added 20050430 **
%
I had all these guys in my bedroom trying on my underwear.
    --Meghan Doyal
    ** Added 20050430 **
%
If you teach your robot dumb things it will do dumb things.
    --Hamdy Soliman
    ** Added 20050428 **
%
If we light Bob Tacker on fire and proclaim his sacrifice in the name of
Allah, we can still eat him and be good muslims.
    --Jarrod Lombardo, literally applying a rule from Ch5 v3 of the Qur'an
    ** Added 20050427 **
%
I can't operate my lpfm radio station from my seat in coach.  I'll
take that.  That's fair.
    --Jarrod Lombardo about FCC and FAA rules
    ** Added 20050425 **
%
Anthropomorphic androgenous catfish & eggnog
    --left on the board from a class before my cs382 class
    ** Added 20050425 **
%
This one looks nice, but it clashes with your floor.
    --Anthony "Pi" Martinez to Lauren Smith about a panty set in the
      Fredrick's catalog. 
    ** Added 20050422 **
%
I mean, the party was held together with breasts, and when they're
gone... 
    --Patrick Randolf "Randy" "G" Smith bemoaning the loss of Lauren
      Smith (no relation) from the party
    ** Added 20050416 **
%
I can wipe my head with Jarrod's ass.
    --Anthony "Pi" Martinez
    ** Added 20050414 **
%
I really like percoset.  The world had a new video card.
    --Lynn Milner
    ** Added 20050312 **
%
I had strawberry and champagne frozen together...in scoop form! 
    --Layla Forman about sorbooze
    ** Added 20050211 **
%
Margaret's not a girl.  Margaret is Buddy's boyfriend.
    --Margaret Vogel, about herself.
    ** Added 20050205 **
%
A buttload is a plethora of oodles.
    --Lynn Milner quoting Becca **LNAME**
    ** Added 20050204 **
%
You're saying me and Schlake belong in Schlake's pants?!
    --Patrick Randolf "Randy" "G" Smith
    ** Added 20050129 **
%
Schlake: She was wiggiling off the back of Pi and she touched me a
         little. 
Jarrod Lombardo: That counts.
    --About Lauren Smith
    ** Added 20050128 **
%
I generally need another human; the toy is not enough.
    --Rachael Falcon
    ** Added 20050128 **
%
That's why you have to do it on the cat.  The cat is self-cleaning.
    --Schlake about having sex.
    ** Added 20050128 **
%
Lynn Milner: ChexMix is better without nuts.
Jeff Phipps: Schlake is beter without pants?!
    ** Added 20050128 **
%
Now I'm queen!
    --Schlake
    ** Added 20041215 **
%
...cuz you won't want to wreak her cookie with your monstrous cock.
    --Eric Beckstead
    ** Aded 20041031 **
%
I don't care if you're selling donuts out of your trunk, you still get
towed.
    --Dr Lorie Liebrock about FIFO cache block replacement.
    ** Added 20041027 **
%
Brian: You know the money shot at the end of every porno...?
Dan: Yeah, that's him, only for church.
    --Brian Truitt and Dan Lyons abour Will Pardue.
    ** Added 20041024 **
%
You can't let me not give you sex for five minutes while I do the
dishes?! 
    --Bill Weiss to Jason Mattax
    ** Added 20041015 **
%
Schlake: In theory Jarrod could make a thousand dollars a night
         turning tricks, but in reality he's just a slut.
Jarrod: I don't have the self confidence to be a hooker.
    --Schlake and Jarrod Lombardo
    ** Added 20040925 **
%
So, if you were to take a garden burger and put it in a stand-up
toaster... 
    --Tim michel
    ** Added 20040925 **
%
2 ambulances, 3 police cruisers, and 3 fire/rescue trucks in about 10
minutes equals one "head trauma" to Denver Metro 911. 
    --Jarrod Lombardo, reflecting on observing/assisting the
      authorities after someone fell down in the parking lot while
      drunk on a slow night.
    ** Added 20040919 **
%
Call me if anyone cums on top of a llama's head.
    --some guy, as he left the Hentai room at NDK
    ** Added 20040917 **
%
If you break your leg again playing golf....
    --Nikki Brown to Jake Kestner
    ** Added 20040916 **
%
If I avoided things that had been in your mouth, I'd no longer hang
out with Bill.
    --Buddy Becker to Jarrod Lombardo
    ** Added 20040911 **
%
You have states other then Erin has, "Meh" and "Offended", you're
capable of kind of caring. 
    --Jason Mattax to Jarrod Lombardo
    ** Added 20040905 **
%
...some with ornamental scrollwork and some with...I guess it wasn't
the ten commandments...it was some woman with boobs. 
    --Tim Michel
    ** Added 20040902 **
%
It's like ASCII calligraphy, except from the sewers.
    --Dan Lyons, on leet-speak
    ** Added 20040730 **
%
Tim: Why does one person have a timer and another 
     have a plunger?
Jarrod: I don't know, teamwork?
    --Tim and Jarrod about explosives in a silly 
      movie (The Towering Inferno)
    ** Added 20040404 **
%
It's a meatloaf angel.
    --Julie Heffernan playing with her dinner.
    ** Added 20040330 **
%
I could find lotsa chugga-chugga but I couldn't 
find any woot-woot.
    --Jarrod Lombardo, talking about sound effects
    ** Added 20040324 **
%
Where'd he get pants?!
    --Jarrod Lombardo, about an inconsistency in a bad 
      horror movie (The Kindred).
    ** Added 20040318 **
%
Have you killed your duck today?
    --Leslie Bentley, referencing deflating the 8' 
      tall duck in my living room.
    ** Added 20040312 **
%
You've created Barrod Wombardo....
    --Manuel Schroeder, speaking of Bill Weiss / Jarrod 
      Lombardo combination persona as relates to 
      Smith's cards.
    ** Added 20040301 **    
%

Forgive us our weirdness as we forgive those who 
weird against us.
    --Dr. Sue Field, about the 'labyrinthine' 
      conversations held between her and her 7 
      siblings.
    ** Added 20040128 **
%
I'm from Texas, so I know how much of a waste of meat 
conservatives are.
    --Paul Ferrell
    ** Added 20040128 **
%
Take 4 pound beef and 2 potato and 17 garlics and....  
A program is a recipe.
    --Dr. Horst D. Claussen
    ** Added 20040121 **
%
It's the dancing table.  
It's for strippers cuz' it's red.
    --David Rominsky about a table in his house.
    ** Added 20040115 **
%
There's a more intense orangey flavor in a tangerine 
than in an orange.
    --Allan Poindexter
    ** Added 20040110 **
%
Shake it like a public school teacher!?
    --Erin Ochoa, mishearing a lyric ("Shake it like a 
      Polaroid picture") from Outkast's "Hey Ya"
    ** Added 20040102 **
%
Oh my god, it's Brad, the barbecue fairy! He comes in the 
night and finishes your unfinished barbecue grill projects.
    --Randy Smith
    ** Added 20031213 **
%
I don't know if you've noticed, but doesn't it seem that 
history is just made up of stuff that sucks?
	--Arlo Guthrie
	** Added 20031017 **
%
There are no fractional numbers in our system.  All 
integers, no partial fingers.
	--Dr. Horst Claussen, about MIPS
	** Added 20031110 **
%
My mom went through this whole 'Julie is going to college, 
I need a goat' phase.
	--Julie
	** Added 20031024 **
%
I know it had Mary Poppins in it but why can't I remember the 
title!?!  ...oh wait. 
	--Jason Mattax, about some movie.
	** Added 20031012 **
%
Because of the dogma enforced in elementary school history, 
people are indoctrinated in the concepts that freedom (which is 
never really well defined) is good and it can be obtained by 
believing in your government and doing what they tell you...I 
believe that in part because of this early indoctrination (in part 
because of other habits like usually being forced into the 
religious beliefs of your parents without choice), people usually 
don't think in a way conducive towards logical reasoning but more 
towards a system of delusional trust in authority.
	--Jarrod Lombardo
	** Added 20030421 **
%
People are rabid about everything on the internet...It's the internet.
	--Bill Weiss
	** Added 20030926 **
%
But if you don't hibernate, you can't give birth to your 
children while you are sleeping!
	--Tasha Goddard, to me when I talked about exercising 
	  so my body wouldn't go into "hibernation mode" due 
	  to my dieting.
	** Added 20030824 **
%
Call me a slut and beat me with a Hot Wheel track.
	--Some random person in the Hentai room at NDK 2003.
	** Added 20030924 **
%
  A week ago today I was keeping my stomach iced, taking pain 
pills, and trying not to exert myself.  Today my stomach is 
scarred, scabbed, and covered a layer of clear water filled 
blisters that I can only describe as horrifying to touch or 
sight. 
  But it must be a good day, because there was a rainbow!
	--Schlake on his blog (http://tinyurl.com/idcj) 
	  on Monday 2003-07-28
	** Added 20030729 **
%
What's the point of the icon then, if you need words below it?
	--Edward Tufte (www.edwardtufte.com) from 
	  "Presenting Data And Information," 
	  a course taught 2003-07-28 
	** Added 20030728 **
%
The reason those stars are moving, for those of you from out of
town, is because the earth is rotating.
	--Edward Tufte (www.edwardtufte.com) describing a time lapse
	  film of the night sky, from 
	  "Presenting Data And Information," 
	  a course taught 2003-07-28 
	** Added 20030728 **
%
Me: I'm the Graphics Editor for the school newspaper down there
    [Socorro].
E.T.: Make all your graphics look as good as the New York Times.
      You can.
	--Me and Edward Tufte (www.edwardtufte.com) 
	  from the autograph line from 
	  "Presenting Data And Information," 
	  a course taught 2003-07-28 
	** Added 20030728 **
%
Good design is thinking made visible.
Bad design is stupidity made visible.
	--Edward Tufte (www.edwardtufte.com) from 
	  "Presenting Data And Information," 
	  a course taught 2003-07-28 
	** Added 20030728 **
%
Dress up the truth so it gets invited over to dinner.
	--Dr. Lynda Walsh, discussing technical writing and Socrates
	** Added 20030626 **
%
I'm afraid of it; it has 'x's in it.
	--Dr. Lynda Walsh, pretending to be a member of the 
	  'General Public', 
	  afraid of technical words.
	** Added 20030623 **
%
I crap on a fuckin' biscuit and it's nachos!
	--Eric Beckstead
	** Added 20030504 **
%
By putting the end with the stem in, it will be hotter than cubic fuck.
	--John Shipman, about Eric Beckstead's Habenero Slarg
	** Added 20030406 **
%
I don't know what Will I want, but I know I'm pissed off.
	--Will Pardue
	** Added 20030326 **
%
I have a lousy six dollar watch I wear all the time.  Yes I'm a human being.
	--Hamdy Soliman
	** Added 20030227 **
%
If he's spooning with Eva Braun, you don't cock-block the man.
	--Brian Stelfreeze, an artist who was a guest star at A-Kon 14.  I 
	  don't remember the context of this quote, but it was something about
	  "cock-blocking" which was a major theme of discussion among staff 
	  members throughout the con.
	** Added 20030603 **
%
At no point fore or aft in play are "Tits on Fire" a good thing.
	--Brian Stelfreeze, an artist who was a guest star at A-Kon 14.  This 
	  was said after an "incident" occurred during a party he hosted in his
	  hotel room during A-Kon.
	** Added 20030603 **
%
if a tree falls in the woods and i'm not around 
to fart, does a russsian amputee bride clap with 
her one hand?
	--Justin (some random user on www.friendster.com)
	** Added 20030413 **
%
Nothin' says lovin' like my left molar!
	--Jason Trowbridge, about birthday gifts.
	** Added 20030226 **
%
You don't jump on the coke can your first day at anal sex camp.
	--Dan Lyons, talking about someone's boyfriend's unusually wide penis
	** Added 20030217 **
%
I didn't get you anything.  When you've had a relationship as long as ours, I
think you'd understand.
	--Eric Alsheimer as we passed each other walking across campus on 
	  Valentines day.
	** Added 20030214 **
%
It's your bathroom too!  You're a student now!
	--Jarrod Lombardo to Eric Beckstead about the SAC Men's Room
	** Added 20030209 **
%
There's just something about homo-erotic violence (like football or high school)
that jumps straight to my bile ducts.
	--Nick Michael
	** Added 20030130 **
%
Mammary Amplitude!?
Hey esse look at the mammary amplitude on that bitch!
	--Dan Lyons, reacting to the phrase 'Mammary Amplitude' after Allan 
	  Poindexter stated it.
	** Added 20030120 **
%
CJ: Yeah it's hot, it's green fire man.
Idiot: Like some Zelda shit.
        --CJ and some Idiot at Chuck's house.
        ** Added 20030120 **
%
Quote of the night: I am stuck in a minute ago.
        --Chuck Ward quoting Christian Trella on New Year's Day 2003
        ** Added 20030101 **
%
You extend the lobster and he runs.
        --Sean **LNAME** about Saul
        ** Added 20021227 **
%
Erin:  I maintain that they should call it the Student Union Center.
Jarrod:  You wanna call it the SUC [suck]?!
        --Jarrod and Erin Ochoa discussing the proposed New SUB
        ** Added 20021120 **
%
Why aren't you showering with me?
        --Mike Kemp, to me, regarding showering with water from a
          crock pot
        ** Added 20021113 **
%
I can talk about Emerson for 40 years ... but you guys are screwed.
You have to keep moving along.
        --Dr. Susan Field
        ** Added 20021107 **
%
Well I had SCSI termination issues ... .
        --Matt McCleary
        ** Added 20021104 **
%
What kind of cheap hotel is this where they don't even have bottle
openers in the bathroom!!
        --Somebody's exclamation while trying to open a beer in the
          Hentai Room's bathroom at Nan Desu Kon 6 in Denver at about
          1 AM September 22nd 2002.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
We shouldn't go to any canyons at Box Party.
        --Erin Ochoa
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Can I borrow your soup?
        --Allan Poindexter
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Just think of the power of an undead army.
        --Dan Lyons discussing the merits of 'corpse reanimation' over
          reanimating the 'Bebe Jesus' in particular.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
We have these movies for the same reasons as cheese in a can, long
distance calling plans, and edible panties.  Just because we can.
        --John Hudston, about innovative movies, Memento in particular
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Jeff Arbuckle: The only kind of vitamins I could handle were the Rainbow Brite
      chocolate ones.
Eric Beckstead: You are homosexual.
        --Traditional Easter Dinner Conversation
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I don't try to be different, I just try to not be like anyone else.
        --Jarrod
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I have just as much respect for somebody who frames houses as I do for
somebody who teaches calculus.
        --Dr. David Arterburn, mathematics professor and woodworker.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
There are nearly twelve million really good reasons why ants do not rule
the planet.
        --One of Jason Marino's "Amazing but True Facts"
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Somebody asking you to work on their 6-node Alpha Beowulf Cluster is like 
having a guy ask you to have sex with his supermodel wife and then paying 
you for it.
        --segfault (Matt Richmond for those readers who don't know)
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I am not Pokey-Pokey Man.
        --Allan Poindexter
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
What I think is unreasonable is that I was taught C at all.
        --Jarrod, in response to all the dumb fuckers in my CS 122 class
          who think that doing the course work in C++ is unreasonable.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Dan, when everyone else is as drunk as I am, I'm still smarter than
everyone else.
        --Jarrod, explaining the reality of the "Youngins Doin Drugs"
          scenes in "Traffic" to Dan Lyons, who has lived much of his life 
	  in a hole.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Infants, when you're holding them in your arms, they are the same
weight and feel as a whole chicken.
        --Jane Beckstead
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
He was the butt of all jokes until he left, and then it was me.
        --Dan Lyons about Gay Methodist Matt at Camino with Eric Beckstead
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I have never been in a mine, but I have spent over a year wanting to be
inside Meghan.
        --Dan Lyons about the MSHA Mine Safety Competition
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I love talking to creepy old bastards about things that are ridiculous.
        --Will Pardue, about talking about roving Jehovah's Witnesses.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Dr. Field: How many hours in a row can you cry over the main character
           dying?
Becky McGill: Five.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I'm tired of paying and she needs to start putting out.
        --Dan Lyons about Michelle, his RA
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
It falls out into my neighbors lap ... and that's not someplace you can
go digging....
        --Ashley Hendricks
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I don't need romance or sex.  I just need someone to hold me and
tell me lies.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Josh Bivens: No one's a bitch, because that's insensitive.
Will Pardue: It's not insensitive to a screen bitch.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Is that a bloody corpse or a happily married girl?
        --Asleep Jarrod about the "Mean Value Theorem"
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
We should be math majors ... as an act of self-destruction.
        --Will Pardue to Josh Bivens
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
They're rednecks who should be in prison and are cocaine addicts ...
but their music is incredible.
        --Will Pardue about Pantera
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
It's all just smut and it's fine.
        --Taliesin Jaffe
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
There is no animal like a Japanese teenager.
        --Taliesin Jaffe
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
It is reassuring to consider that in spite of the many historical
expectations of end-of world scenarios, armageddon, natural disasters
and catastrophes, and general hysteria of the gullible, that the cosmos
rolls on, utterly indifferent, uncaring, and oblivious to any arbitrary
and capricious enumerations counted by man.
        --Ross Milner
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Tesha is 21, so she can buy us WINE COOLERS.
        --Jenna Lanoff, about her lame drinking habits.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Draw me some squiggles...to explain.
        --Maggie Stauffer, in Quantum Physics
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
It makes it psychologically less damaging if you do it that way.
        --Dr. Krehbiel, advocating putting integrals in equations as late
          as is possible
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Hmm...that's weird...this chalk is flat on two sides...
        --Dr. Paul Krehbiel
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Get your hands off of my woman!
        --Mary Ford, talking about Leah Dale
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Hey Mary, How ya doin' darlin'?  Nice ass.
        --Rob Ellis
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Page 209 shows, in a half-assed sort of way...
        --Dr. Paul Krehbiel
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
If I start doing homework I...I figure...maybe it'll help me meet girls.
        --Joel Eidsath
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I was goth.  I wore black.  I got really hot and sticky too....
        --Andy Graves
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Sometimes there are women who game...Oooh, it squeaks!
        --Warren Marts
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I'll try to say something else clever later.
        --Rob Ellis
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
If I had a rubber hat, I wouldn't need to dye my head.
        --Schlake
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Fuck paleontology, I want a muffin!
        --Becky McGill
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility
of assembly language with the power of assembly language.
        --I first saw this in Marcus Epperson's .plan file, though I do not 
          know who it is originally/commonly attributed to.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
                                I am not a cow.
                                I am a sheep.
                                F*uck me here.
                                      |
                                      V
    	--The note added to the "Party Sheep" given to Marcus Epperson on 
	      his birthday (22nd or 23rd I believe).
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
...  I've been here for two days now. What a8e
attached photos from today. The first is of the Opera House and the
second is the Harbour Bridge. Too many things to do and see, and not enough
Segmentation fault
        --the computer, going insane after too much Zero Defect
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
It's not the drinking that's the problem, it's the trying to use your
mouth to breathe after.
        --Jarrod, on drinking Everclear
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
If you don't let it touch your tongue, you can taste the orange.
        --Jarrod, about "Da Bomb" hot sauce.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Eventually she's going to do something psycho-kinetic to John Travolta's
hair.
        --Jason Marino, about "Carrie"
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Ah, Schlake. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
In addition to everything else that you are, you are also a bag of
chips.
        --Jason Marino and Marcus Epperson
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Jeff ... we're all drunk ... bring over the weed ... and my glasses.
        --Marcus Epperson to Jeff Arbuckle
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I'm fan boy for the cost of two dollars and a little oil!
        --Jarrod
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
If I had to sum up Kierkegaard's philosophy in just one sentence,
it would be: "Screw you."
        --Dr. Olsen
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Wire-wrap my pins, baby.
        --Asian chick on the cover of Wired Magazine (as spoken by
          James Rogers).
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Andrew Waldrum: Jesse went to a strip club a couple times. This one time, he
                got back, and he couldn't look at girls for days without 
		trying to picture them scantily clad and in compromising 
		positions.
Jason Marino: That's amazing! To this day, I have that same problem with
              Claudia Shiffer!
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
It's probably just easier to get surgery to expand the thickness of
your eyelids.
        --Jason Marino, talking in his sleep.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Lara **LNAME**: What did you win?
Jason Marino: Well I won a couple of video rentals and ten dollars off at
              Martha's.  But what I got isn't really important.  What's
              important is the confirmation that I'm superior to everyone
              else.
Lara **LNAME**: That's very noble of you.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Nietzsche is right around where Freud is making dumb shit up about
peoples mothers.
        --Jarrod
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
... unless you're Welsh, and it's a double "L," in which case you just spit
out all your potato chips.
        --Becky McGill, on wussy sounding names
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
I usually do my whoring early in the morning, before it gets crowded.
        --Liz Dowling
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
If he made an Atlantic City movie about astronauts... yeah!
        --Jason Marino
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Jason Marino: So apparently dolphins are actually real assholes. Like
       sometimes, a male dolphin, for reasons science hasn't yet
       determined, will rape and then kill some or all of his children.
Matt Stobbe: Wow, I can't imagine ever doing that to any of my kids.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Yow! The name of some Random DEAD GUY who I know nothing about has so
much more CHARACTER than "Continental Airlines" EVER could!
    	--Jarrod, in his "Zippy The Pinhead" voice
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Remember Theorem 1?!...NO!
        --Dr. Sharples
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The second one is just as cool as this one...except this one is a bit
cooler.
        --Patrick Randolph Smith aka "Randy" aka "G"
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You see, there's anime porn sites and hentai sites.  You go to the hentai
sites for good anime porn.
        --Patrick Randolph Smith aka "Randy" aka "G"
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%
You're not my usual test pilot...
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I'm a little school girl,
Short and stout,
Here is my jack boots,
And here is my black wife beater.
        --Andy Graves, playing "Lunch Money"
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I can defeat you with one variable; I don't need two.
        --Dr. Sharples
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Dr. Sharples: What happened to that door?
Sam Tun: It was the Ewoks.
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"Made by elves in the forests of Japan"
        --Dr. Sharples, "reading" the back of his watch on leap day
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+monkey +party +bartender +"Santa Fe" -smut -bestiality
        --Biggest Internet Monkey Search Leif Ever Did
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%
There's just somethin' about forty guys standin' on the side havin' a piss
fight.  It's ... epic.
        --Andy Graves
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%
Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of
prematurated isolates indicates that a casual relationship exists between
groundward tropism and lachrimatory behavior forms.
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I don't just stand up here and do my thing.  I'm kinda like Martha
Stewart, you know, I just take the thing out of the oven and it's all nice
and pretty and I go "Oh look!"
        --Dr. Bert Kerr
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%
Agreed Number One
        --Dr. Bert Kerr, in his Jean-Luc Picard voice
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Leif Poorman: How would you feel if you had onions all over your head?
Jarrod: That's not my head; that's my ass!
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I'm invisible...in a razor room.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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What's Jodie Foster doing on the Drew Carey Show!?! ...the backstroke.
        --Jason Marino
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Texas Leif: Shut 'cha damn pah ho'!
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%
If you are ever going to work in the circus, you've gotta be able to make
a working udder out of paper
        --Phil **LNAME**
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%
It's the little things that keep me sane--like irrational hatred.
        --Tall Canadian Justin
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You can't fight city hall and chew gum at the same time.
        --Leif Poorman
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Being an intelligent man, as you are, wouldn't you like your job to be a
bit more...painful?
        --From Wishmaster 3 by Gil Lundquist, Jason Marino, and Jarrod.
    	  Note: Someone with a $2.58 budget actually made "Wishmaster 3" 
          which did not include the above quote.
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I have to get to KFC in 27 seconds!!!
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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Oh my god...They killed Padre...You bastards!
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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tomorrow can't drive today.
tomorrow DID drive today!
        --Refrigerator Poetry
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ugly dinner...beautiful chocolate
        --Refrigerator Poetry
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get hungry or clean the car
        --Refrigerator Poetry
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I am a walking, talking, low-fat cheesecake.
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TRESPASSERS will be shot.  SURVIVORS will be shot again.
        --Danielle Lombardo's bedroom door circa Summer 1999
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I was gonna fail the test, so I stole someone's Blistex.
        --Becky McGill, about Physics 122
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Just get in the fuckin' bag.
        --An imagined statement from Jason Marino and Kurt Fiererro to 
          Dr. Al Stavely because they felt he was the most horrible 
          teacher ever and should be sold into "White Slavery."
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Does this music annoy you?
Can I?
        --Leif Poorman
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%
Kernel panic, in the shared library, with the [broken] pipe.
        --James Rogers
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If you live in someone's intestines, there's probably not much that freaks
you out.
        --Gil Lundquist
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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What's the blood from if everything's a belly button?!
        --Jason Marino
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Becky McGill: What did they teach you in elementary school?!
Jarrod: They didn't teach me about rabbits with mustaches, that's for
        damn sure!
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Sleep is needed for efficient Dispensation of Justice...
        --Jeff Phipps
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going multiuser...
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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SERIOUS INJURY or DEATH can occur.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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Hut 1, Hut 2, Kill the Mormons!
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"You could tell it was recent.  There was a pile of fence clippings."
        --Jason Marino, talking about his old house in Connecticut.
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"Ya don't find elephants walkin' around lookin' like paraboloids.  They
tend to look like elephants."
        --Dr. David Arterburn, talking about computer graphics
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The plane's leaving.  You better get on it if you want to go.
        --Delta Airlines Announcement at Heartsfield International
          Airport (Atlanta)
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Now it's time to go back into the land of mystery, even though it really
hurts my nose.
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Ok, Kurt just made the most beautiful object on earth, and its got hairy
warts and a giant ass!
        --Jason Marino and Gil Lundquist
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Oh, you're just upset because you resemble an ugly religious figure!
        --Jason Marino
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Leif Poorman: (speaking for Mickey Rourke) Ok, we're just gonna wait here 
until Little Miss Hormones settles down ...
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I think I can safely say that, now that I've seen James Woods hunt
vampires, and Norm in a silly hat, and Angie Everhart cry because Mickey
Rourke poured honey and grape juice and flowers all over her bed, my life
is definitely complete.
        --Jason Marino
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T'wud be POWERFUL NICE if we had 2x.
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Llevo un correo tartan. (I am wearing a plaid post office.)
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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FOTOFOLIO!!!
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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I'll only eat *that* in a milkshake!
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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ANGULAR MOMENTUM looks good NAKED!
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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"Yow!!  I can KILL you with my MIND!"
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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"Look!  A woman just WALKED IN with the BACK of Joleen's HEAD!"
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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"In North Carolina they have a BONUS ROOM!"
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Moreover, [I am very physically attracted to] this fixed point:
        --paraphrased from "The Hitchhiker's Guide . . . to Fractal
          Compression"
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"Yeah, the first time I ever met Ramen Guy was when we went to see the
meteor shower at Box Canyon... and that was the *last* time I ever met
him."
        And with those disturbing words, it suddenly became all too clear.
Bucky had killed Ramen Guy. And with him, the coffee shop. Because Ramen
Guy was directly and indirectly responsible for 80 percent of our business
back then. Both due to the enormous cost of supporting his ramen (and shake)
habit and due to the business he brought with him in the form of the
several "Ramen Groupees" who would frequent the coffee shop for the sole
purpose of enjoying his wacky antics.
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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Mmmm... Hitler-riffic...
        --Anonymous
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"Oh, Jason, you're just in time...!"
        --Jarrod, from "The Tea Party Scenario"
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"Come on, I know you've all ordered those blow-up porn dolls..."
        --Jason Trowbridge, from a "Social Implications
          of Computing" discussion
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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I think they should have a kind of flower, one of the weird ones nobody
ever gives to anyone, which just means "You have a beautiful lawn."
        --Jason, in reference to the flower laws
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WE GET CHICKEN!
        --Saramay
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Steve **LNAME**: How often do YOU play YOUR second generation system?
Jason Marino: Is that like masturbation?
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That, my friend, is the sound a man makes when he realizes he's just
smashed his high school sweetheart, head first, into a concrete wall, very
forcibly.
        --Jason Marino
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
%
Are you a good Muslim, or a bad Muslim?
        --Anonymous
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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Gimme the dirt! Gimme the dirt!!!
        --an ant, furiously waving its mandibles at a cat's back
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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I don't wanna shave my pants, don't wanna shave my pants!
        --random Kurt music
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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It's like there's an 'if' statement in my pants, and everyone's invited!
        --Jason Marino
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **
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I take pessimism to a bold new level... like salad dressing!
        --Kurt Fiererro
        ** Added Long Long Ago in the Before Time **